How to make it from 8 am to Noon

Sonya and I have been looking at the websites fmylife.com and textsfromlastnight.com all week and trading the best stories we have found on there... and then chatting in between. Here are some excerpts... (I've color coded the references to make it easier... and bc I'm a nerd who likes color-coding things) and the conversations that resulted thereafter:

Sonya: (617): Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
me: jesus
i love how a lot of those weird ones have "i love ____city___" at the end
by love i was being sarcastic tho
i dont love it
Sonya: hahah yeah like "i love salisbury"
me: but i was thinkin like... you arent special
there are freaks all over the country
Sonya: lol yeah homeless people are everywhere
look at aljanice
The best part is that she was telling me to "Look at Aljanice" because she was making a weird face or something, but at first I thought... "Aljanice is homeless? I had no idea."

me: Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML
HARSH!
wtf. why do they even accept these
this website is funny but i really hate it when people write FML in their away mesg or fb status
its like
i have an exam... FML
boo! life is so hard!!!
Sonya: hahha
krista's friend adrienne had yesterday..got a flat tire on gw parkway 20 min before my job interview FML
Sonya - "That one is legit"
Me - "I was just going to say that"
me: i put up an ironic gmail status "surrounded by idiots at work today... FML"

*I tell a guy that computers are only to be used for job search activity*
me: did you see what that dude was looking at when i told him to stop
Sonya: no what was it a picture of
me: scantily clad women
"lookin at women that have no interest in lookin at him" - aljanice
Sonya: lol true
he needs to pay his child support asap
me: if you were unemployed... and you went to an employment agency computer lab... what would be your first priority
finding work
putting food on the table
paying child support (allegedly)
Sonya: getting my unemployment check!
me: then using govt funded computers and internet to check out skanky hos
Sonya: yeah my next one would be to use govt funded computer to look at fml
me: youre already there.
*I look up the history on the computer he was using after he left*
me: loveandseek.com
the christian singles network.
+
Sonya: at least he follows jesus

me: heres another dud
Today, I sang the itsy bitsy spider song with a class of thirty 20 somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML
how could you face your friends and family after that one?!
Sonya: so..don't be a kindergarten teacher...
me: what do you think her lesson plans were before that
no songs
no games
maybe... penmanship practice
meditation
and..
reading the dictionary?

Sonya: (546): Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
me: oh my god. one of my friends did shrooms in college
and we were over at his house when he woke up hours later
and he told us that his journey was so epic, he wrote it all down
and then he read us like 8 pages of narrative
Sonya: omg hahah
me: of what he had done all day
Sonya: he remembered it all
me: it sounds really boring but it was one of the funniest things i had ever heard
he wrote it as soon as he got home
he left his house and went on a walk around cp
and ended up in some woods
and came home hours later
and wrote it all down and fell asleep
he said he found a new land and named it and tried to put a flag up
and he named it native america
but pronounced "Nay-teev Ay-mare-i-cay"
Sonya: hahah was the land in the woods
me: yes. like 2 blocks from his house
Sonya: nice
me: ya it was my entertainment for the evening
we had been watching a movie until he woke up
then we turned it off to listen to the story