Who am I?

Meredith: heyhowdo I seewhat I am a "fan of"on facebook
me: why do you ask
are you a confused young woman
who needs to know who you are
Meredith: yes
me
me: you are a fan of me
dogs
food
indians
violence
domestic violence that is
Meredith: well
how do i see that
or delete them
onf acebook
no
meghan
hahahha
not in real life
dammit
me: oh. i have no idea

Bored Morning... until...

There are 4 computers down in the lab today so naturally 4 out of order signs were in order. (Nice pun eh?) I was told to look for the out of order sign that was already saved on the computer. Instead I printed out 4 new ones, but I only used 2 pieces of paper. Aww yea. Goin green. But yea I refused to waste a bunch of time looking for an old sign that consists of 3 words. If it was something intricate that I couldn't easily duplicate - yea, sure, I would put some effort into finding it. But I expended energy on all of 3 words, 10 letters, and 2 pieces of paper. I was trying to think of a witty closing line for this paragraph until a guy behind me coughed up his lung. I'm definitely hitting up the germ-x now. Not trying to get swine flu. I mean, Sonya has already created a will with beneficiaries in case she gets the swine flu. Scary stuff.

I wanted iced coffee today but I wasn't sure how to go about it until I consulted my very resourceful boyfriend... who suggested I go about making my coffee the same way I always do (BLAZING HOT) and then put it in the freezer at work until it gets cold enough. GENIUS!!! I'm going to go check on it now.

So the lid of my coffee cup is frozen shut. Didn't think that one through.

Also, I just realized I had an appointment with a woman today and she never showed up. Oh well. Easy last day of the week... that's right, today is my version of Friday... because the real story today is that tomorrow...

I am leaving for Jazzfest in New Orleans!!

Woo hoo!! I am so freakin excited. We're driving up to DC tonight to stay with Merman since our flight leaves at 6 am. Not looking forward to that - but I can sleep on the plane.

The weather is going to be gorgeous and the festivities will be (as my dad would say) off the hook! We are going to this place called the Rock & Bowl, which is a bowling alley, bar, late night diner, and concert venue in one. It features the music of Tab Benoit and Sonny Landreth the night we are going and I cannot wait! I think I need to be restrained from using too many exclamation marks!!!

The highlight of my trip is of course, the actual festival, which is held at the Fairgrounds, a big ole horse racing track. There is so much to do there, there is no way to pack it all into 4 days, but we will try. There is so much music, food, and drinks, so many craft tents selling their wares, which are usually handmade, and just fun HAPPY people surrounding you. You will NEVER find another place where the people are more willing to share in the fun with you. We have sat down next to random people just because a spot opened on the picnic table and ended up learning their whole life stories. And if you see someone eating something that looks amazing, don't be afraid to ask what it is - not only will they tell you, but half the time they will offer it to you to try!

I am bubbling over with excitement right now. I can't wait for work to end so I can run home and pack! Then I get to see my Mermer, then I get on a plane and fly away... AHHH!! The blog will suffer for the weekend but I will have plenty to write about when I get home on Monday night. Lucky for those of you who will be bored at work on Tuesday. Never fear, I'm here, and I will deliver.

PS. In case you didn't notice, I am totally writing in traditional Mardi Gras colors, purple green and yellow. I am all set to go!!!

My Paint Skillz Expozed

I don't know if it's because Kendall is gone, or because Sonya is coming back so soon, or because I am going to New Orleans Thursday morning, or because the weather is AMAZING, or what, but it seems like time is standing still this week. Yes it is past 3 pm.. thank goodness, soon we'll be making the announcement that we're closing and to get the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks out!! Yea that's right. I went there. Jay told me today that my blog drops the F bomb too much. WTF. To that I say..... BOMBS AWAY!!!

Thank you, Paint.

But for real, I will tone it down because I like Jay and I don't want him to boycott the blog. Dennis wants to wash my car today when I get home from work. UGGGHHH. I get home from work and I have to do more work. My car is covered in pollen and it's supposed to rain for the next couple of days so I'm trying to weasel out of it but it is not looking good. I'm probably going to miss my true crime shows today - blast! I feel like that is how a lot of serial killers start out though... obsessing with past crimes. So maybe it's good if I take a break.

There is a man in here in the shape of a pear. Not pear-shaped... the actual shape of a pear. Imagine this with a head, arms, and legs. No wait I'll save you the trouble and picture it for you.

I have tried to obscure the race, gender (even though I already said man), and species of this creature by giving "it" a magenta skin tone and an uneven amount of fingers. Good luck figuring that out, losers!

Why I Miss Kendall

Kendall: But whatever...its an issue
Almost as large as swine flu
me: lol
;;;;;;;;;;;;;'
im sorry
thats not like
a picture of anything
could be a centipede
Kendall: Lol
me: one of which i found and killed in my room this morning - wtf
that is just me holding down a key in a sad attempt at communicating my laughter
Kendall: Ooooo I keep seeing silverfish everywhere
Goo.
me: lol just wasnt good enough
what are those
Kendall: Lol
(Wouldn't have that problem if I were there)
Good pic on wikipedia
me: of silverfish
?
Kendall: Yeah
me: that s fuckin gross
why did you send me there
that picture was larger than life
Kendall: Lol
me: just like the backstreet boys sang it
Kendall: I'm surprised uve never heard of them apparently they live large on the shore
me: no
i live under a rock
which is even more a surprise
they seem like rock dwelling bugs
Kendall: Lol

Here's the link she was referring to in case anyone else wants to see a bug the size of a pen:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silverfish

Roid Rage

Meredith: we are getting a weight bench
me: weight bench
for who
Meredith: for me
hahahahah
me: nuh uh
are you going to start pumping iron
and doing roids
Meredith: yes
me: then star in a lifetime movie
about how you start beating neel
Meredith: yes!
I alreayd do
me: nuh uh
bully
Meredith: It's easy
slap slap slap!
he likes it

Isn't she lovely?

Meredith describes the lovely decor in her house

Meredith: and the rug is a POS
that is mine
that Toby pooped on
me: lol
Meredith: lucky it's brown

Happy Monday!

I can't believe I am inside on this beautiful day. I am staring out the window as I type. I don't see a cloud in the sky. The beach would be perfect today. The water would undoubtedly be freezing but still. I went on Saturday and it was almost perfect... a little too windy, but still nice and warm. I would love to ditch work this afternoon and drive down to OC but I'm already taking 3 days off in the next week to go to New Orleans! That will be worth staying here at work today. I'll tolerate it!!

Also I am barely awake today, but I can't bring myself to drink my coffee yet because it is so nice out and I feel like I shouldn't be drinking a hot drink. Is that weird? Oh well I'll have to suck it up or else my eyes won't open all the way. I just saw a guy walking by with a Mountain Dew.. it looked good. I may have to consider hitting up the vending machine, even though I have no cash money. Sigh. I'm sure Melvin will lend me some coins.

A young woman just came into the lab with a tattoo that said Muffin... I wonder if she was unfortunate enough to have a boo named Muffin or if she just really loves breakfast pastries.

Even though I'm bummed that I can't enjoy the lovely weather today until 4:15 pm, just knowing that it's out there does actually cheer me up. Hopefully this day will go by quickly so I can go home and do something fun with Dennis. Like play tennis or go for a ride on his motorcycle. Or maybe even go to the beach for dinner. That would be nice!

I was looking for a nice picture of sunshine to brighten up my post like the one I put up at the top, which to me, looks suspiciously like the sun from the Raisin Bran box... Anywho I googled the word "sunshine" and found that nice bright sun, right before I happened across this guy...

If this picture doesn't brighten up your day, I can't help you! Happy Monday!

L & O Marathon

I have been watching Law and Order all day.. and loving it. I have a weird obsession with this show and True Crime shows like Forensic Files and Cold Case Files. I have learned a lot about law from watching them... mostly things about search warrants and interrogations and stuff like that. It's pretty sweet. I'm hoping it will help me in law school.. ha ha. One episode where I learned a lot involved Ice T and Chris Meloni walking into a crowded lecture hall to interrogate a student in the middle of class. When they were done harassing him, Ice T turned towards the front of the class and said "Stay in school!" Now you know why I'm pursuing grad school.

I trust this face.

One episode I watched with Dennis had a case of stolen identity where the perpetrator in question was described as watching a ton of detective/crime shows, was a good kisser, and was very studious. Dennis looked at me and started to back away. He then accused me of trying to steal his identity because "you watch a lot of those crime shows, you're a good kisser, and... you're a nerd." Then he left the room using the farthest path possible.

Attempted Matricide

I have something new to add to Beignet's list of dislikes: new cats. I was attacked last night after he met one and freaked out. If the chalk outline of my hand was still there I would post it, but all I have now is the photo that was taken in the emergency room, where the telestrator points out my wounds.

Alleged vs. Actual

After writing post after post about the terribly wretched people I watch come in and out of this building everyday, I began marinating on the subject of what my job is supposed to entail versus what I end up doing when I am here. I decided to draw a comparison between my "alleged" job description and my "actual" job description.

Alleged:
Direct customers through our website, helping them with any snags they may encounter.

Actual:
Read directions to people despite them being functionally literate, oftentimes taking the mouse out of their hands in exasperation to quicken the painfully slow process.

Alleged:
Educate customers about our tuition funding program and answer any questions they may have.

Actual:
Crush customers' dreams by telling them that they aren't going to get into the class that starts in 48 hours. Repeat program eligibility instructions over and over, while being told "That's stupid." and "I already did that." Keep a big bright smile on.

Alleged:
Help customers who aren't familiar with using computers.

Actual:
Point to the big blue e and tell them to click twice.

Alleged:
Send out helpful letters alerting customers of suitable job openings and resume help. Feel a warm sense of satisfaction when a customer thanks you for all of your valuable help.

Actual:
Send out helpful letters alerting customers of suitable job openings and resume help. Throw out responses that say they don't need your help because they have a "damn good" resume.

Alleged:
Meet with customer in a one-on-one setting for resume consultation. Assign homework to help customer learn to help themselves. Schedule follow-up appointment to proofread final draft and any other documents you may have worked on.

Actual:
Meet with customer and assign homework. Never hear from customer again.

I Dream of.... Common Sense

I have a little rant to share - just a quick one concerning people who don't understand the whole "Print" function on the computer. We have 12 computers in the lab. We have 2 printers which those 12 computers connect to. 6 connect to the one on the left, 6 connect to the one on the right. Pretty easy. Now - I think it would also be easy to ascertain that for 12 computers, you do not need 12 printers. That's basic knowledge right?

Wrong!

These people will push the print button 3 or 4 times before turning to us at the desk and say, "It's not printing." Yes it is... in fact, it's printing.... from... the... printer. We really threw a curveball at you there, didn't we? And now you have 3 to 4 copies of the 10 page document you were trying to print. It seems that they think that if the paper doesn't appear before them, that it didn't perhaps print somewhere else. Now I ask you this - where do they expect the paper to come from? The monitor? Maybe from the floppy drive? Or did they expect to fold their arms and wiggle their noses and have the paper magically pop into existence in front of their very eyes?!

It could happen!

My Birthday Presents, Jay's True Side is Revealed

So tomorrow is my birthday and I am so excited! I got a bunch of my presents already from Dennis and my parents. Dennis got me a Ronco Rocker knife set which is AMAZING. I can't wait to find something to cut! My mom got me a really purdy purple dress with a matching necklace that I plan to wear out to dinner tonight. My dad got me a bunch of stuff to make my own pasta!!

aa

In Italy, we made our own pasta dough and then used this crazy contraption to flatten it out and cut it into noodles. You can do fettucini or angel hair on this one. You hook it up to this little vice grip and you can put it on any flat surface. Then you crank it all through by hand. So authentic! :)

a

a

Then there is the pasta drying rack, where you lay out the pasta once it has been cut up and let it dry out before you cook it... kind of like a clothes line.

a

I also got a pasta cutter, which is like a mini pizza cutter to make the jagged edge on the little raviolis and other pasta.

Neato!

So now I will be making delicious homemade pasta for anyone who dares try it. I need some practice though so I will announce when Meghan's Kitchen is open for business. Maybe I should come up with a better name for it though. Signorina's Cucina! (Misses Kitchen in Italian) I'm open to suggestions!

*Sonya walks into the lab to make some copies*
Jay: Do you think i should ask her what her underwear says today?
*He and I laugh, he leaves the room*

Me: Jay started reading my blog today for the first time.
Robin: Oh really?
Me: Yea, that's why he made that comment about what Sonya's underwear says today. Did you not get that?
Robin: No!!!! So that's why he said that!
Me: So what, did you just think he was an old perv before?
Robin: Yes!

Jay: You should have never shown me that blog.

Thanks, Tay

Taylor: hey
hear anything about that job?
me: no ma'am i havent seen milton around lately
Taylor: oh ok
me: i was trying to talk to this guy doug who just got transferred to head of tri county
but i am not sure if he is head honcho or anything
Taylor: oh man
hahah
its okay meghan, you don't have to sleep with the head man in charge for me

Hukd on Foniks Wercked 4 Mee!

I'm convinced that a good percentage of the country, or at least the state of Maryland, is illiterate.

It's getting to the point that I don't even have sympathy for these people anymore. I can understand people who aren't familiar with computers needing assistance, but it is now bordering on the absolute epitome of laziness. I have become quite cynical when assisting people now. I feel like the child who is in 2nd grade but belongs in 5th grade, and starts getting in trouble at school, not because he is a bad child but because he is SO BORED. I don't know why I pictured myself as a little boy in that scenario.

But - anywho! I truly enjoy helping people as a profession, but only those who have the will and the want to help themselves. I abhor helping the people who come into my work looking for the easy way out. I am becoming hardened to this cold, cruel world!! Yesterday a man needed help filling out an online application for a job. Admittedly, online applications can be extremely confusing, redundant, and frustrating, and so I don't mind helping those who are truly in need.

HOWEVER - if the answer to your qualms is in a small gray box on the computer screen, in English, right in front of you, and for some reason you refuse to read it and call me over saying something like, "The computer messed up," it had better be a genuine problem with the computer or the website and not a result of the fact that you need me to read one sentence for you.

Example: The aforementioned man filling out the online application - he called me over because "the computer's not letting him go any further." I wasn't exactly having a trying day, but when I saw the reason that the computer would not let him proceed, I felt the need to be somewhat of an ass about it. I read out loud very slowly, "You... Must... Enter.... A... County." Then I pushed "OK" and there was a BIG RED FLAG next to the part where you enter the county. Then I translated the sentence "You must enter a county" in case he STILL didn't understand. "See this box here? Where it says ENTER COUNTY? You need to...ENTER A COUNTY." I think he got the picture after my flamboyant display of aggravation.

Musings from an M Gang Wannabe

Text from Dennis:

9:56 am - This rain is killing my hair.

10:39 am - New respirator!

Born to be green... b/c it's EARTH DAY

me: i often wonder if, when i have kids, if i will end up being one of those annoying parents that brings them everywhere
i hope im not
some places are unavoidable i guess
but like.. this place has a nursery
and i have seen babies in the movie theater
its like... pay for a sitter
are you kidding?
half the audience at the fast and furious movie was under age 5
Sonya: hahah
fast and furious
me: oh yea
dennis wanted to go for his birthday
me: why.. is there something... funny? about that?
Sonya: just that it's "fast and furious"
instead of the fast and the furious
me: are you correcting me, or making an observation on the title of the 4th movie in comparison to the 1st one
Sonya: i just think it's funny
what are they going to call it next
me: furious and fast
Sonya: hahah
probably
me: or "vin diesel and paul walker like you've never seen them before!!... oh wait... scratch that"
Sonya: exactly as you've seen them before
in volumes 1 through 4
me: haha
oh man
you are on fire today
Sonya: i've got a lot of time on my hands over here

me: you are the main subject of my blog today
how does that make you feel
Sonya: i'd like to thank all the little people who made it all possible

Sonya: so i just went to the bathroom
and i didn't even know it was earth day
but my underwear says "save a tree"
pretty good eh
me: lol
way to go!
Sonya: yeah
maybe i'm psychic
me: i dont think that qualifies as being psychic
Sonya: i somehow knew today was the day for them
splain that

She didn't say no....

Me and Sonya discuss a poor man trying to log in to our website, to no avail, then the conversation takes a slight turn...

Sonya: did you get that person logged in
me: no
Sonya: nice
me: you know when you try to type in something
and you get like.. one letter off
and it takes you to a weird site
Sonya: yeah like last night..i was voting on idol and dialed 1-877 instead of 1-866
me: oops
Sonya: haha yeah so when i dialed that number it was like please dial 18888888888 for live chat!
and i wasn't really paying attention
so i called back just to make sure i heard that correctly!
me: lol
hahahahhahaha
you called back the wrong number?
Sonya: yeah i had to be sure i wasn't voting for anoop!
me: hahaha
so what was the number you dialed
Sonya: whatever something for live chat! ew
me: hmm
nice cover story
Sonya: haha yeah
me: perv

CNN vs. Dumb Criminal Blog

Like a dog returning to its owner after being pummeled and beaten for years, I return to CNN.com for my news every day after reading sensational news stories with front page coverage of Britney going to court and Amy Winehouse... not going to rehab. I also get e-mails updating me on the latest headlines, stating "Breaking News: Stupid Crap Happened that No One Cares About!" Granted, I could click unsubscribe at any time to stop receiving them but I'm interested to see the next headline they consider to be "breaking news" worthy. Here are a few REAL samples...

University of North Carolina beats Michigan State, 89-72, for NCAA basketball championship, Sports Illustrated reports.

In his first speech to a joint session of Congress, President Obama vows "we will recover" from economic crisis.

U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg had surgery today for pancreatic cancer.

Now, that last one seems a bit harsh, I know... to say that no one cares about Ruth Bader Ginsburg... but c'mon. Breaking news?? And Obama says we will recover - what did you expect? That he's going to tell us we're going to suffer and burn in eternal damnation? Lord. And the basketball game... when I turn to Sports Illustrated for my daily news, it will be a sad day for CNN indeed.

Speaking of breaking news, I occasionally read a blog called Dumb as a Blog, which is described by its tagline as "A Daily Digest of the Dumbest Stuff People Do." I mostly read about dumb criminals here, like the one in this story, where the words "Pop Tarts" and "attack" are used in the same sentence. I thought it was noteworthy and wanted to share. It is highly possible that I read more intelligent news here than at CNN.com.

Editor's Note: I know I switched up the font, but I have massive ADD when it comes to colors and fonts so.. deal with it.

S.O.B.

Alarm set. 7:47. Son of a bitch.

Relampio!

I just witnessed a super rain storm, with lots of... relampiago.. or something. I learned how to say "lightning" in Spanish today, courtesy of Phil, by using the mnemonic device of re-lamping something... which according to Phil is demonstrated by the motion of twisting a light bulb into the socket. It really works though because I had totally forgotten the word until I remembered Phil's method of teaching. Excelente!

Now watching King of the Hill, arguably one of the best shows ever. I love it. So many great quotes. If you don't watch it, you should.

The past 2 days I have woken up late and gotten to work early. I'm not sure how to proceed for tomorrow. Should I set my alarm and do business as usual and pray I don't get caught coming in at 7:47 am as I often do, or should I let nature run its course and possibly get to work early? Oooh, decisions decisions! I think the real question is, should I invest in a real alarm clock or keep using this piece I call a phone? Hmm. Gotta go get my beauty sleep now.. News on how the early morning experiment goes once I get to work. 7:45 or 7:47... which will it be!?!

Freaks and Creeps

Oh my god. I am having a good day and all today - the sun is shining, I had generic Lucky Charms this morning, my coffee was good... but the computer lab is trying to rain all up on my parade.

The creep from the street (TM) is always looking back over his shoulder and staring at GOD KNOWS WHAT. But he is always staring. I caught him staring at me today and I whipped my head around and caught him but he nonchalantly turned away so smoothly!!! I totally didn't even see his creepy gaze from across the room. So I stared back at him. Then he turned toward me like, oh hey, didn't see you there! And he waved. And I stared some more. I was trying to send evil thoughts his way, I think I did a good job. I tell you, this job is hardening me!!! }:O Rarrr!!

Now we have this lovely woman who comes in quite often, needing to send a myriad of faxes. I seem to get stuck helping her every single effing time. You would think I was her personal servant the way she barks orders at me... but for some reason she doesn't bother me as much as some of the others here. I think I have sent about 8 faxes out for her so far today. My lunch break starts in 20 minutes and I am counting down the seconds... 1200, 1199, 1198...


I have to explain to this woman at least three times that you don't have to make multiple copies to send faxes to multiple businesses. She keeps handing me papers saying, "I need 6 copies of this, because I'm sending it to 6 places." And I keep saying, "Look... see how the papers go in one side and come out the other? They come back to you. You don't need to make more than ONE copy." She looks at me weirdly but doesn't indicate acknowledgment nor skepticism.

Editor's Note: It got so busy in the lab today that I had to cut my post short until just now, almost 12 hours later. Lordy lordy.

2/4 is majority... right?

me: dude
can i stay at your house next wednesday night
Meredith: ooo probably
what's the deal-io
I don't think anything is going on at my house that night
me: leaving for bwi at 6 am
thurs morn
Meredith: holy shiot!
is it just you?
or denden too?
me: me and den
and probably darick
Meredith: okayyyyy
I will ask the roomies
Meredith: alrighty i sent the e-mail to the roommates
I am sure they wont' care
Meredith: okay
so far
got the okay
from 2/4 rooomates
casey and Brad
Neel and ABbott don't count
so uhh yea
Meredith: you can plan on next Wed!

5 o Clock Shadow?

Dennis: My hair is getting long
We should walk the mall tonight for some exercize lol
but for real we shoudl go

Editor's Note: He shaved his head on Wednesday.
Editor's Note #2: We totally went.

Monday Muddy Monday

I woke up around oh, I dunno, 7:35 today, which worked out nicely with having to be at work at 7:45. It was interesting but my cat may have been harmed in the process. Now Jay is out grabbing me a coffee because I am a zombie right now. I'll watch my back for Woody Harrelson.

I did my 5 mile walk yesterday for March of Dimes. My final total raised was $1,710, a couple hundred short of my goal, but I am still really proud of my team!

Sonya, MK, Me, and Dennis at the end of the walk

Darick was in it but he looked miserable and he was dragging down this picture.

We went to Pork in the Park afterward, but it was windy, and I didn't have my ID so I wasn't allowed to drink beer, and they had this Blue Moon honey-something that I never tried before, so I was ready to leave after 10 minutes. When I got home we tried to watch the Penguins-Flyers hockey game but we were all zonked out about halfway through the game. The rest of the evening consisted of Animation Domination and a LOT of laundry folding. Am I going too fast for you? Try to keep up with me and my crazy lifestyle.

This week is going to take forever, I know it. My birthday is on Saturday and I'm really excited for it this year. 23 is such a weird number. 24 is way cooler! Yea! My dad and Dennis are in cahoots about my dad's present to me and I desperately need to know what it is. You'll know when I do.

I got onto the waitlist at University of Maryland Law School... I am not ecstatic but I can send in any additional achievements or awards while they are making their decision so I am going to be in academic/charity/community mode for the next 3 months. MK and I were talking about trying to collaborate with Surfrider Foundation to create some sort of Memorial Foundation or something of that nature. I will keep everyone updated when the wheels start turning.. wish us luck!

FORBES WORLDWIDE

So I fell asleep on the couch ridiculously early tonight, before I got booted into the bed, because I was "taking up too much space." Sad face. So now I have just woken up and have my Forensic Files on the TV and am checking out my March for Babies page. We have $1,710!! We only need $290 to get to our goal of $2000. I can't believe it, I am so amazed and grateful to everyone who has helped to close this gap. I have until about 9 am on Sunday to raise the rest of the money so any help any of you can offer is greatly appreciated. Click here to donate!

Dennis and I got involved with the March of Dimes after his grandfather passed away in February. At the service, everyone had so many great things to say about him and his dedication to his community. Dennis said that his grandfather's service had inspired him to want to do the same. We chose the March of Dimes walk because I walked when I was in 4th grade and remembered it as a really positive experience. It has been so rewarding to realize that a small group of people can raise this much money for such a worthy cause!

We are looking forward to our next community service project, though we're not sure what it is yet. We are going to try to avoid another fundraiser for awhile and instead try to find something like Habitat for Humanity where we can contribute ourselves without asking people for money again. I have worked with SurfRider Foundation in Ocean City before, so I may try to get more involved with them before we move to Baltimore. If you have any suggestions or want to get involved in our next cause, please let me know! :)

Until then - please get the word out over the next 30 hours - $290 left!! Yea Forbes Worldwide!!

Row Your Boat

Oy vey, it is hot in here. Maybe it has something to do with the 40 degree temperature swing from 7 am to now. Speaking of it being hot in here, and how the heat makes people want to shed clothing.....

A rather large woman came in today wearing an outfit that I don't even know if I could have fit into... and needless to say, she was "busting loose." I casually walked to Lorraine's desk and we had a nice little chat before I dropped the bomb. This was not a casual visit. I wrote her a note explaining my purpose, reading "The real reason I came over here was to check out this girl sitting behind you." Lorraine took a look at her and said, "I'm going to get a shirt like that so I can let everything... roll out. Roll roll roll your boat, gently down the stream..." Now I have that song stuck in my head. Here's hoping you will now too.

Why was this necessary? I'm not sure

So I get a phone call today from our office in Princess Anne.

PA: I have a gentleman here who needs help trying to apply to Peninsula General.
Me: Prudential General?
PA: No, Peninsula General.
Me: Peninsula Regional? The hospital?
PA: Oh.. right. Yes.
Me: So what's the problem exactly?
PA: This man needs help applying.
Me: Well you have to apply online at the website, peninsula.org.
PA: You have to apply online?
Me: Yes, just type in the website and the application comes right up.
PA: Well can you explain that to him?
Me: Umm... I'm not sure what you want me to do. It's only one step... can you just tell him?
PA: (pause) What was that website again?

What is this world coming to? Doesn't anyone know what Google is for?!

Happy Friday!!

My place of work happens to be located right across the skreet from a high school that, back in my day, was the bottom of the heap if you know what I mean... and I don't think much has changed. When I drive to work I pull around the back of my building and coincidentally, right through the main path of many a young high-schooler on their way to school. Usually I am able to avoid plowing directly through any of them, but today they came at me West Side Story style. Without the snapping and dancing.

Easy Action!

But I did have to come to a complete stop and wait for them to go around my car, which was a minor annoyance, until I was able to use it as an excuse for being late to work. My boss' response: "Next time you should run a few of them over." I'll be using that quote when I plead not guilty to murder.

"I have here some interesting and juicy stuff!" - Client referring to job orders she had collected

Dream Big, Mere!

Meredith: If I ever have a son
he will be able to wipe his own ass!
Meredith: you can quote me on that

Official Kratovil Sighting

Update - I made an official Kratovil sighting. As I was walking into the ladies room I heard a male voice saying "This young lady will be leading this part of the tour..." and even though I was already 75% in the bathroom some part of my subconscious thought that he might be referring to me.. so I turn ever so slightly to make sure he isn't pointing in my direction and in the few precious seconds before the door slammed shut, Krat and I made eye contact and it was magical. Now when I become a famous political figure and hang out with him all the time we will have some conversation starters.."Hey remember me? We met back in the day, you were the handsome young man in the suit, I was the freak staring at you from the women's bathroom. Those were some good times!!!"

Wish me luck!

How to get $15 from your brother for your charitable cause

"Darrell, This is my last ditch effort to squeeze some $$ out of you for the babies. Are you sure you won't donate... I am not your old temp agency!! Don't hate!! I would never use babies as a bargaining chip... they are much better as baby chips when you dip them in salsa and white sauce. mmmm.. ok for real though think of my unborn children. Perhaps one of them could be named...Durl.. for the right price. :) Please please please consider! And if you won't maybe sarah will? www.marchforbabies.org/649450 peace love and chicken grease or some shit.

love you -meghan"

This also includes some shameless publicity for my cause. Donate for the babies! Deadline is Sunday April 19th!

Email to Kendall

oh my god my mom is calling me. why. bc she doesnt have a job. thats why. and in her mind everyone else runs on the same schedule as her. i dont know why im so pissed about it though. my dad got me this book about how to live with someone who is bipolar and im like... ooo interesting. then there is a section on "sexual relations" or something. i was like... maybe ill skip that chapter.

Work in Progress III

Being on phone duty this morning (telefono trabajo according to Phil) has helped stir up some special memories of phone calls past... let's discuss one of those memories.

Kendall ventured to James M. Bennett High School to show off her World of Work presentation to some eager beavers ready to jump right into the workforce! She handed out business cards, seemingly in vain, never in her wildest dreams expecting an actual call. Imagine her surprise when she had a voicemail from a young man who had attended her presentation and sought her assistance in his transition into the World of Work.

But alas! Kendall, in her usual rude fashion, never returned his phone call. He called back again and again, always getting the voicemail and becoming more vengeful and infuriated with each message left, and never getting a return phone call. What could he have done to incur this wrath from Kendall, the Wicked Witch of the West Wing? Why couldn't she just step down from her pedestal and call this poor man back?

Because in all of his messages left, he never left a return number.

UPDATE: Just got a call from a young lady inquiring about a program we have that assists with funding for education. I told her that it takes about 2 months to complete. There is a long pause before she says, "I'm trying to get into a class that starts on the 20th...." Yea... no.

Work in Progress II

I send out letters to clients almost daily that contain current job openings and instructions on how to apply. If one is interested in the job, he/she can apply. If not, he/she can toss my letters in the trash. It's something I do as a courtesy to our customers, to give them a little help in their job search. It seems easy, right? Yet how many people would you think have issue with my letters? SEVERAL. Let me elaborate with a few example of the different types of customers I deal with...


The Unnecessary Pop-In

Someone gets sent a letter and instead of calling in or perhaps just reading the letter itself, they decide to take a trip on down to my office. Then they summon me to explain the letter that I have mistakenly written in gibberish - oops! My bad! Oh wait, no, that's English.

ENGLISH M****RF****R DO YOU SPEAK IT!? -Samuel L.

Thinks I'm a Psychic
A customer walks into our office and says one of two statements - "Someone sent me a letter" or "They sent me over here"...and that's it. We are fully expected to know who "someone" is, what letter they sent, who "They" could be, and why "They" sent you here...

The Dumbshit

Even though the method of application is clearly stated on each letter, there are still those who need it spelled out for them. These are the kind of people who make me feel like The Dumbshit for referring them to a job in the first place. For these people, I just ask that you don't mention my name when you apply.

These are only 3 of the many different types of people I deal with, stick around for more.

Rainy Wednesday

Today is rainy, gross, bleh, just like yesterday. Would have been a good day to stay home and watch movies in bed. Speaking of which - I saw Yes Man...and I highly recommend. Very funny. Jim Carrey's still got it!

I am taking a Customer Service Spanish class at work right now, one hour a week. I have homework that is due today.. eeek!! I have to come up with 2 questions in English that I want to learn in Spanish. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

I am so cold in my office right now that I am poofing up my hair all around my head and neck and trying to use it as a shield. I'm seriously considering asking Jay to borrow his huge puffy winter jacket. If Kendall were here I'd be all over her grandma sweater.

I am so unimaginably bored today. I thought yesterday was bad. Kendall and I are discussing the merits of her going out to sleep in her car. I say, wrong. But then again her boss isn't there today.. I wonder if they have the place on video surveillance lockdown like we do over here. I think to pass the time this morning I will work on my South Park calendar page collage. It is my masterpiece.

This is what I have going so far. My SPCP collage right up there next to my phone directory and my fake resumes. I had to make the resumes during training to make sure I knew how to put them in the system. They could be fake people and I thought I would spice it up by doing resumes for Indiana Jones, Bruce Wayne, and General Maximus Decimus Meridius. They are available for a small price.

More news when the collage is complete.

Brief Introduction

For anyone reading who doesn't know me I am a 23 year old living on the Eastern Shore with my super-hot boyfriend, his twin brother, and my cat - all the makings for a hilarious sitcom! I am about to move to Baltimore for law school, and while I have lived in a concrete jungle before, I am still a little apprehensive about moving to the nation's crime capital - call me crazy.

My cat's name is Beignet (pronounced ben-yay... it is French for donut) and he is my child. Not biologically. He is a lot of fun and really weird and crazy..he keeps things interesting. Likes: dolphins, pizza crust, and straws. Dislikes: vacuum cleaner, Corn Pops, pit bull.
I brushed him out last night and got enough hair to make a small wig. He is sick right now with kidney stones.. we have to force a pill down his throat then use a little syringe to squirt some gross smelling goo down his throat. Hang in there Ben Ben!

I'm normally a big hater of blogs, but lately I have been trying to find a place to collect my thoughts and put them on paper... without losing them. I have pages of writings all over my apartment so I figured this would be easier to keep track of. I just want a place that I can document observations and fleeting thoughts so I will probably update this a lot before the novelty wears off.

That is all for now. Work calls. Bleh.

Work in Progress

me: like just now
this guy came up to robin and was like. the computer says someone else is using my social security number
and shes like oh well i'll check it out
and she went to his computer. and in BRIGHT RED LETTERS
VERBATIM
Please correct the following:The user name you selected is already in use by another user. Please choose another.
not SSn... USER NAME
Meredith: ohhh
me: so she goes someone else has this name already
we need to getyou a new one
what is the first letter of your first name?
he goes "no i want somethign that i can remember"
...............
Meredith: lol
"MyTruck"
"MyDogRex"
me: well its great bc then there is a hint question and people dont remember their answers
its like "my favorite pet"
"who do i love"
"my favorite color"
"my name"
im not even kidding

Musings by M Gang (The Real Housewives)

me: what can i put for description for my blog
marykristen: an inside look at life below the mason dixon
me: lol...perfect
marykristen: or.. two trailer park girls go round the outside, round the outside


Meredith: hey question
if you go to a bridal shower
hosted at someone's home
do you need to bring anything
like...refreshments
offer to bring some wine?
me: im not sure?
Meredith: me either
I hate this shit
me: maybe
uhhh
some... cake or something
like
breakfast
cake
what is that called...
Meredith: coffee cake
that shit is nasty
me: yesss
Meredith: no one eats that
I'll bring some bugles

Day 1

Day 1: The heading I have been using on my e-mails to Kendall ever since she left the office. I started this blog on the advice of my co-worker Robin who thinks that my daily observations are insightful and entertaining. We'll see.

I wanted to put my main picture as the woman in Berlin who was attacked by a polar bear but Robin said that would be "messed up."



I guess this means I am messed up.