Alleged vs. Actual

After writing post after post about the terribly wretched people I watch come in and out of this building everyday, I began marinating on the subject of what my job is supposed to entail versus what I end up doing when I am here. I decided to draw a comparison between my "alleged" job description and my "actual" job description.

Alleged:
Direct customers through our website, helping them with any snags they may encounter.

Actual:
Read directions to people despite them being functionally literate, oftentimes taking the mouse out of their hands in exasperation to quicken the painfully slow process.

Alleged:
Educate customers about our tuition funding program and answer any questions they may have.

Actual:
Crush customers' dreams by telling them that they aren't going to get into the class that starts in 48 hours. Repeat program eligibility instructions over and over, while being told "That's stupid." and "I already did that." Keep a big bright smile on.

Alleged:
Help customers who aren't familiar with using computers.

Actual:
Point to the big blue e and tell them to click twice.

Alleged:
Send out helpful letters alerting customers of suitable job openings and resume help. Feel a warm sense of satisfaction when a customer thanks you for all of your valuable help.

Actual:
Send out helpful letters alerting customers of suitable job openings and resume help. Throw out responses that say they don't need your help because they have a "damn good" resume.

Alleged:
Meet with customer in a one-on-one setting for resume consultation. Assign homework to help customer learn to help themselves. Schedule follow-up appointment to proofread final draft and any other documents you may have worked on.

Actual:
Meet with customer and assign homework. Never hear from customer again.